


Groot and Loki's Misadventures

by Shadow15



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Sort of plot, but mostly crack, don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14886008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: Loki survives Thanos' attack, and is rescued by the Guardians along with his brother.  Despite everything that has happened, he takes Groot under his wing to teach him to be the little shit Loki knows he can be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First thing first. This should never be taken seriously. It exists solely to make me feel better about the start of Infinity War. There might be a tiny bit of plot sprinkled throughout... But it is mostly just crack and should be treated as such. Still damn cute in the later chapters, though :)

Loki still wasn’t sure how he had survived Thanos’ attack on the ship full of Asgardians, but he couldn’t say that he wasn’t pleased about the second ship that had arrived shortly after in order to respond to their distress call.  In fact, as he stood within the ship and observed its occupants standing by his unconscious brother, he was so thrilled at the hasty rescue, he couldn’t even find it in himself to feel threatened by their presence. 

They argued amongst themselves, not dissimilar to the childish fights he and his brother often had, and it brought a mischievous smile to his face, a  _ very  _ welcome change to the emotional and physical pain he was otherwise feeling.

“It’s true, you  _ have  _ put on a little weight.” 

His eyes crinkled, and his smile grew the more whom he was certain was the captain tried to deny his apparent weight gain.  He concentrated hard as he conjured up an image in his mind.

“Quill, you’re holding a half-eaten sandwich as we speak.” It was the big guy whose muscles could put even his brother to shame, and Loki didn’t want to tangle with if he could help it due to his thin build.  “Where did you even  _ get  _ that sandwich, anyway?  We want sandwiches, too, Quill.” 

“What the -” His name was Quill, Loki was sure, and he threw the illusionary sandwich onto the ground with hatred on his face.  “It’s not a sandwich!” 

“He just doesn’t want to admit he’s getting fat compared to the Muscle Man.” The pale, insect-like species gasped at the second illusion-sandwich none of them had seen appear suddenly in Quill’s hand once more.  “See! He has another one!” 

Quill turned to give a suspicious glare at Loki, as if he was suspicious of the other’s involvement in this - though, Loki had to remember, it was a fair assumption as he was certain no one else in this crew was capable of the same prank.  “It’s him!  _ He’s  _ doing it!”

Loki gave an innocent smile as he took a step backwards.  His tone was polite as ever as he said, “I beg your pardon?  I assure you I have no part in your… apparent weight gain. I do agree with your companions, though; you  _ are  _ heavy compared to my brother.” 

“He’s giving me freaky sandwiches I never made!” Quill cried, but Loki paid no more heed to it as he turned around to wander into the front of the ship, needing to get off his feet and rest his injuries.  

He hadn’t ventured far until he came upon a Flora Colossus, a species he’d been sure was extinct.  He nodded at the creature, but he said nothing as he took a seat opposite it; now that rest was in sight, he was suddenly aware of the aching in his body, and all he could do was close his eyes and feel his body going lax as he finally found tranquility.  

At least, he had until the repeated beeping and buzzing of whatever device was in its hand finally broke through his troubled mind.  His eyes narrowed slightly. “Excuse me? Can you turn that down, please?” 

“I am Groot.” Came the snide reply as Loki was certain he had just been fixed with a rude glare to accompany the insult.  

Loki’s jaw dropped.  He reached up to pat his hair in a self-conscious manner before he drew himself up into a prideful posture and responded.  “My hair does  _ not  _ look like it was pulled out of a shower drain and made into a wig, thank you.”  

“I am Groot.” 

“Now, if we want to keep getting personal, you can direct it at your friends back there.” 

“I am Groot!”

Loki winced at the final blow.  He gave a sigh of defeat and pondered about whether or not he would be able to get away with causing its - Groot’s, it would undoubtedly be named - untimely demise, but before he could do so, he was interrupted by Quill returning.

“Your brother is awake.” Quill gave him a distrustful glare that Loki couldn’t help but smirk at, but the Captain’s attention was quickly grabbed by the beeping of Groot’s console.  “Groot! We’ve told you; put that away!” 

“I am Groot.”

While Quill looked ready to burst into tears at that, Loki couldn’t help but burst into laughter, despite everything that had just happened.  Perhaps that tree wasn’t so bad after all… 


	2. Chapter 2

Groot was antisocial, Loki was quickly learning as he found his curiosity reserved almost entirely for the Flora Colossus insistent on not turning his video game off no matter how many times he was told to - so it came as a bit of a surprise when Quill made an announcement once the crew had  _ finally  _ assured Thor their only pod wasn’t functioning and he was stuck on board with them for the time being.

“You two will have to room with Rocket and Groot.” Quill didn’t look remorseful; in fact, there was a smug look on his face, as if he was happy he was getting a one-up over the newcomers.  “It’s the only space we have right now.”

Thor was the one to respond.  His voice almost boomed through the spaceship as he tugged his blanket tighter around his shoulders.  “I do not mind sharing a room as long as your men are not going to try and stab me in my sleep; I already have that to worry about from my brother.” 

Quill forced his own voice to deepen as he replied, just as he had been doing since Thor’s awakening.  “They will  _ not,  _ sir…  They will  _ not  _ stab you in your sleep.  I give you my word.”

“I asked you to stop that; I do not like being mocked,” Thor grumbled back.  

“You’re the one mocking  _ me _ .” Quill puffed his chest out as far as it would go as he did his best to add as many inches to his height as possible.  “Do not mock me.” 

“Alright, enough!” Gamora let out a deep sigh as her hand dragged across her face.  

Loki leant over in his chair to lower his voice just enough for only Groot to hear.  “Do they always do this?”

“I am Groot.” Groot’s eyes never left his video game. 

“I see.  They are idiots.  More so than my brother - I never thought I would see that day.”  

Quill finally backed away, and his voice lowered back to normal.  “Groot will show you to the room; he has to go to bed now,  _ doesn’t he,  _ Groot?” 

“I am Groot.” He shot his Captain a nasty glare over his game before his eyes dropped back to the screen.

Loki smirked.  His eyes locked on to Quill’s.  “Really now?  _ Aliens?   _ That’s an unusual attraction - for a  _ human _ .  Even the tree knows what’s going on when you say  _ bedtime _ .” 

“What are you trying to say?” Quill narrowed his eyes as he moved closer to Loki.  Before he could say what was on his mind, Thor had moved between them, shielding his brother in what appeared to be nothing more than protectiveness of his sibling, but the look on his face was pained, as if the thought of something happening to Loki was almost too much to bear.  “Hey, I’m not finished with him.” 

“He is finished with you; I apologise for his behaviour.” Thor gestured by his side for Loki to come forward.  “Loki. Say sorry.” 

“I am sorry for your buffoonery.” It must have been the sincerity in his tone because Loki was astounded at how easily the smugness on Quill’s face returned.  He closed his eyes and, with the utmost honesty he was capable of, he continued. “It must be very hard being a bigger halfwit than my brother. I am very sorry.” 

Quill was either stupider than Loki had suspected, or he was just desperate to beat Thor at something because Loki was sure he could feel his IQ drop into the single digits at the proud expression Quill wore as he turned around and waved at Drax to grab his attention.  “You hear that, Drax? He acknowledges I’m superior.” 

The happy smile on Thor’s face shouldn’t have made Loki bite back a laugh, but it was hard to do so when his brother said, “He calls me a halfwit all the time; I was starting to worry there was something wrong with me.”

“Yeah, what’s it mean, anyway?” Drax’s eyes flickered between Thor and Quill.

“I don’t actually know,” Thor revealed.  

“Neither,” Quill agreed.

“I am Groot.” 

Loki looked at Groot and smiled.  “The tree is correct; it’s the highest badge of honour you three could wear.  Be sure to brag to everyone you meet about it; they’ll all be so proud of you.” 

“I am Groot.”

“Groot is already proud, and so am I.” Loki wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.  “Shall we celebrate?” 

“I am Groot.” 

Thor’s expression softened as he turned around to face Groot.  “Oh, thank you, dear tree; you are very sweet, just like your rabbit friend.” 

Loki resisted the urge to facepalm at his brother’s reaction to what any sane person could recognise as a barrage of insults.  He sighed instead. “Brother, I am going to sleep.” 

Thor nodded.  “Me, too. Tomorrow we will get that pod fixed and go get my hammer.” 

Loki was in no mood to argue with his brother for anything right now; his body and mind were sore and he knew Thor was in much the same way, if not even worse - adopted brothers though they might be, they both always had downplayed their pain and emotions to everyone around them.

“Groot.  Show them to your room.” 

No backtalk came from Groot this time as he jumped out of his seat and led the way throughout the ship with his nose still plastered against the video game screen.  The Asgardians followed behind in silence, but that was quickly broken when they entered the room and found that, with Rocket Racoon already fast asleep in his hammock and Groot helping himself up into his own bed, it didn’t leave the brothers much choice about where to sleep when there was only one extra bed off to the side.

“There’s only one bed.” Loki frowned at his brother.  “We can’t - hey, what are you doing?!” 

Thor had grabbed Loki by the wrist and started dragging him to the bed.  “It is big enough for us both and we almost  _ died _ , brother; there is worse for us to concern over than sleeping in a bed together.” 

Loki wasn’t going to argue with that; he allowed himself to be pulled down into the bed and didn’t resist when the blanket was draped over him.  He rolled onto his side so his back was to Thor’s own, but he knew neither of them were going to get much sleep, if any tonight - and it just so happened that they weren’t the only ones.

It was the same beeping Loki had been hearing all night that made him sit up.  He ignored the tired grumbling behind him as Thor told him to go back to sleep and instead looked up at the bed lightly lit by a device.

Despite the darkness of the room, their eyes still met, and a wooden tendril slowly extended to the Asgardian.  “I am Groot?”

Loki blinked as he accepted the video game console that had been handed to him.  There weren’t many times in his life he’d felt as speechless as he did right now; he’d grown so used to kindness only from his brother, he felt almost alien in his own skin. “...Oh… Thank you…” 

It was the first time in Quill’s ship where the air was filled with the beeping and buzzing of two game consoles at once, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“You are very bad at that.”

Loki narrowed his eyes at his brother, propped up on his elbow with his cheek in hand as he laid and watched Loki’s slender fingers mash at the buttons with no idea how he was supposed to be doing it.  “Cannot be any worse than you, dear brother.” 

“Our tree friend is better than you.” His single eye lit up for the first time since their arrival on board.  “That’s pretty shameful, you know?”

Loki scrunched his nose up and muttered under his breath, but he didn’t turn Thor away; instead, he drowned in the comfort of both his brother’s presence and the Flora Colossus insistent on staying up long past his bedtime to continue swapping through his games collection with Loki. 


	3. Chapter 3

When what could have been considered morning on the ship arrived and everyone left their rooms, Loki found himself with Groot in a dark corner of the ship, curled up together and each with video games in hand.  

“So how do you play this one?” Loki listened to the instructions Groot gave, but before the tree could finish, he looked up as Drax’s voice rumbled through the ship.  He rolled his eyes. “Groot, they are all idiots. Maybe they will keep my brother; he can be in the company of his own kind that - amazingly - are more dimwitted than he.”

“I am Groot?” 

“I know; it’s amazing they’ve survived for this long by themselves.”  Loki turned his attention back to his game, but it didn’t last for long because that damn racoon was approaching, and Loki could see how annoyed he looked beneath all that fur and stupidity.  

“Groot!  You’re rotting your brains out with that stupid thing!” The racoon was loud for his tiny body, Loki had to give him that.  “Give it to me so I can smash it!” 

“At least he  _ has  _ a brain; I am afraid the same cannot be said for anyone else aboard this ship, though.” Loki put down his game so he could look Rocket in the eyes.  

“Not my fault the rest of them can be outsmarted by rocks!” Rocket screeched.  His clawed finger pointed at Loki while his other hand reached behind him for a weapon he had neglected to bring with him so soon after waking up.  “You wanna fight?” 

Loki’s fingers twitched.  His eyes almost narrowed but he was more diplomatic than that.  His expression remained calm and patient. “It would not be a wise choice for you, vermin.”

“Alright, that’s it!” Rocket leapt forward, much like the animal he was, but before he could get far, there was growling behind him and he turned around with his teeth bared for the dog that hadn’t been there just a moment ago.  

Loki watched with amusement at the way Rocket hissed and spat at the illusionary creature, but what made him chuckle was how Rocket launched himself at the dog to attack but instead went right through it and slammed head-first into the wall.

“I am Groot.”  Groot couldn’t help but shake his head at the way Rocket kept going back for more.  He looked at Loki. “I am Groot?” 

Loki opened his mouth to respond, to say that he wasn’t going to let up the illusion any time soon, but that was before Gamora and Drax arrived to investigate all of the commotion.  

“What is going  _ on  _ here?!” Gamora’s eyes flickered between the three who were already present, unable to see the dog only Groot and Rocket were privy to.  “Rocket, what are you doing?” 

“He’s gone mad, Gamora,” Drax pointed out.  “His little racoon brain has finally imploded.” 

“Can’t you see that stupid dog?!” Rocket pointed accusingly at the dog slowly fading away into nothingness behind his back.  He turned around to growl at it, but his eyes widened when he realised it was gone. His finger moved to Loki now. “It’s  _ him  _ doing it! He’s freaky!” 

“Gamora, he is a little bit,” Drax agreed.  “Last night I woke up and I saw him in my room.”

Loki raised his eyebrow at this; he hadn’t been in there at all, but it gave him good ideas now.  “I beg your pardon?”

“Or maybe it was just shadows…” 

Gamora rolled her eyes, and Loki once again had that feeling she made that action  _ at least  _ three times a day in their company.  

“I am Groot.” 

“Where’s the flea-bitten mutt?!  I’m gettin’ my gun!” 

Loki smirked at the look of victory on Groot’s face.  He hadn’t expected for the tree to join in and taunt the racoon further with ‘warnings’ that the disillusioned dog had returned and was behind him, but it pleased his mischievous nature greatly to have a partner in crime for once.  

While Rocket left in a hurry, Gamora and Drax stayed, fixing Loki with suspicious looks.  It didn’t bother him; he simply conjured up an illusion of Quill off to their sides, feasting down on the food he was apparently eating so much of lately.  

“What?  I’m hungry!” The fake Quill forced out in between hasty bites of his meal. 

“Quill, we -” Gamora had started, but was quickly stopped by the real Quill’s voice from behind her.  She turned around, her eyes flicking between the same people as she tried to work out which one was real.  Her mind was made up when she saw the Asgardian follow behind one of them, and as if to confirm her suspicions, the sandwich-eating Quill had quickly vanished and Loki was clearing his throat as he looked anywhere but in his brother’s direction.  

“Dude.  Was that…  _ me _ ?” Quill looked down at his body, patting around it as if to reassure himself he wasn’t gaining any weight.  When he was satisfied, he looked up again. “What was I doing over there? Gamora, am I… hallucinating right now?” 

“You’re not; he’s messing with us.” Gamora jerked her thumb at Loki, who had now become very interested in the console Groot was holding.  

Thor looked startled for a few seconds before he forced a grim smile on his face.  “Oh, I am sure he means no harm! Why, he used to stab me all the time when we were kids!  No harm done!” 

“No harm done…?” Quill’s eyes widened, and for once, logic spilt from his mouth.  “He sounds murderous to me.” 

Thor’s attitude quickly changed, and his words were rushed as he tried to give an excuse for Loki’s behaviour.  “Well, he’s adopted.” 

Quill gave a puzzled look before he blinked his expression away and clapped his hands together.  “Right… And that makes it better…  _ how _ ?” 

“It’s better because he…” Drax’s face scrunched up as he tried to convey his thoughts, but he ended up just shaking his head.  “No, it’s bad; it’s all bad, Quill.” 

“I am Groot.” 

“Hah!” Loki stood up as he pointed to Groot.  “He likes me better than the rest of you morons!  Brother, can we keep him?” 

“No.  You  _ can’t  _ have Groot and if you want to go get that weapon Thor is talking about, you should show a little more respect to your captain,” Quill snapped, as if a sore spot had been struck.  

“But the rabbit is absent and we have been nothing but respectful to him,” Thor pointed out.  

“ _ I’m  _ the captain.” Quill had turned to leave to sort his temper out on his own.

“Really?” Loki cocked his head to the side.  “I thought they only brought you along with them so they could feel better about themselves.” 

“ _ I’m  _ the captain, and if you don’t want me dropping you into a sun somewhere, maybe you should -” 

The reverberating bang and consequent thump that was Quill falling to the ground filled the air as he walked straight into the illusionary wall Loki had just placed in front of him.  Thor fixed his brother with a disapproving glare.

“Oh, come on, brother; you can’t deny that was a  _ little  _ funny,” Loki said softly.  “Groot is laughing, too.”

Thor could only sigh as he made his way to the rest of the crew to see if Quill was still alive.  Knowing Loki, he wouldn’t be surprised if they had a body to dispose of now. 

“I like you,” Loki said to Groot as he switched his game off and handed it to the Flora.  

“I am Groot.” 

Loki’s eyes lit up as he ignored Quill’s angry shouting; sadly, he hadn’t hit the wall hard enough to knock him out cold.  “Really? Wait. Yes. Of course. I’ll teach you everything. I will be your uncle. You’re going to be the best prankster I have met.” 

“I am Groot.” 

“I told you; he’s  _ adopted _ .” 

Loki looked over his shoulder at the others quickly closing distance between them, and he promptly got to his feet.  “Let’s take our leave, shall we?” 

And with that, Loki quickly shrouded himself and Groot in illusion as they fled from Quill’s wrath, Groot making Loki so proud with the way Groot had already learnt to trip Quill up with vines now that they couldn’t be seen.

He had been right, after all; he needed a partner in crime, and Groot was crazy enough to pull pranks alongside him.  Their stay aboard this ship was going to be  _ fantastic _ .   


End file.
